My Kids Say the Funniest Things

A few weeks ago Max and Mitchell were wrestling and fighting after dinner. It was that tough time of day, the hour in between eating and crawling under the covers, when the clock says it is too early to go to bed, but their bodies say it is too late to stay up. Troy was with them in the living room, supervising their wild rumpus, and after trying several unsuccessful tactics to improve their behavior, he tried a new approach.

"What would Jesus do?" he asked them, in reference to the popular slogan often employed to encourage all of us to make better choices in our lives.

I was hoping for a heartfelt response from them such as "He would share his toys," or "Jesus would not fight with someone," or "Jesus would listen to his mom and dad." We had been reading Bible stories and doing devotions and I knew they knew the answer to that poignant question.

Without wasting even a second to craft his witty response, Mitchell took a quick break from his wrestling match and replied with a smug grin, "Jesus would perform one of His miracles to get us to stop fighting." And the fighting was replaced with uncontrollable laughter from all four of us.

Raising Boys

Have you seen this email before? I thought I would share a laugh with you today. God Bless My Beautiful Boys ... and children everywhere for the joy and excitement they add to our lives.


a. For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!


b. For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.


c. For those who have children this age, this is not funny.


d. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.


e. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas…


Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):


1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.


2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


3. A 3-year-old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.


5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh-oh”, it’s already too late.


8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


9. A six-year-old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.


10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old boy.


11. PlayDoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12. Super Glue is forever.


13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.


14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


15. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches…even though TV commercials show they do.


16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.


19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.v
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.


21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.


25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.